


To Be What You Need

by frapandfurious



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Emotional Kylo Ren, Emotionally Constipated Hux, Evil Space Boyfriends, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Miscommunication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-07-15 06:53:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7212370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frapandfurious/pseuds/frapandfurious
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something in his chest clenched unpleasantly. The sensation was unfamiliar. Was this pity? That didn’t seem quite right but it was the closest thing he could come up with. All he knew was he had to do something to make it go away, to get that damn look off of Kylo’s face.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

When you were definitely _established fuck buddies_ but definitely _not in a relationship_ , there was a line. And there were things on either side of that line: things you did, and things you most definitely _did not_ do.

After six months of this, the line and the contents on either side became very clearly established. Hux liked it that way. He liked order in all aspects of his life including, no, especially in this. Because only persistent order could even hope to balance out the disorder personified that was Kylo Ren.

There were a number of surprising things on the “permitted” side of the line, considering who they both were. One of those was staying the night. They didn’t cuddle of course, they barely touched; it was simply a matter of convenience. But it was permitted nonetheless. _Not_ permitted or even considered was emotional support. At least, so Hux thought.

The day that all changed went normally enough at first. Hux performed his duties as General, Ren did…whatever it was Ren did when he wasn’t interrogating prisoners or wreaking havoc on control panels. They didn’t cross paths and that was fine with Hux. He was even starting to wonder if Ren had left the ship entirely, when he happened to pass the open door of an empty conference room.

The lights were off and if it wasn’t for the glow of a far-off galaxy Hux would have missed the outline of a dark figure staring out the viewport. He knew immediately who it was; he’d recognize the outline of that stupid helmet anywhere. Suspicious, and just a tiny bit curious, he stepped into the room and went to stand beside his co-commander.

They stood in silence for a while. Hux was mentally going over his schedule for the next day when he saw movement out of the corner of his eye. He heard a click and then Kylo was removing his mask. He held it under one arm and turned to glance at Hux.

Perhaps it was Hux’s imagination but Kylo seemed…sadder than usual. He always looked sort of sad; Hux figured it was the combined effect of the shape of his eyes and his overall gloomy demeanor. But tonight his frown seemed deeper and his slouch more pronounced and….were those _tears_?

Hux gaped at him. Where had this sudden display of emotion come from? And why wasn’t Kylo keeping it to himself, in his quarters? This was unacceptable. Hux opened his mouth, a sharp remark on his tongue, but…

But nothing came out. Those too-large, too-expressive eyes with the stars reflected in them stared at him pleadingly and whatever Hux was about to say evaporated. Something in his chest clenched unpleasantly. The sensation was unfamiliar. Was this pity? That didn’t seem quite right but it was the closest thing he could come up with. All he knew was he had to do something to make it go away, to get that damn look off of Kylo’s face. He thought hard, searching his memories for some frame of reference. There wasn’t much material for handling emotional crises, what with his strict upbringing and most of his life spent at the Academy. Finally he settled on something he’d seen some of the senior officers do for their favorite cadets. He reached out one hand and firmly clapped it onto Ren’s shoulder, giving it a few brisk pats.

“Don’t look like that. Whatever it is can’t be that bad. I’m sure you’ll find a viable solution.”

Ren was still staring at him but now he just looked bewildered, as if Hux has just suggested he throw his lightsaber into the trash compactor. Still, it was better than the downtrodden expression he’d worn a minute ago. Hux decided to count this as a success. He gave Ren a tight smile and a nod, then turned on his heel and left him standing in the darkness.

As proud as Hux felt about his handling of Kylo, he hoped it would never happen again. That had been…uncomfortable. For a while it seemed things were back to normal. But with Kylo nothing was a sure thing, and a few weeks later Hux found himself in a similar predicament.

 

\--

 

This time, at least, they were in Hux’s quarters where no one would stumble upon them. Kylo showed up late in the evening, like he usually did. He removed his helmet and outer robes and boots, like always. But something was off; the fire in his eyes wasn’t there, and Hux should have noticed but he was too busy working on the clasps on his tunic and…

And then Kylo stopped mid-motion and just sort of slumped onto the bed. He sat with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands and sighed deeply. Hux stopped halfway through his unclasping and glared at him. What _now_?

Hux folded his arms and analyzed the situation. Clearly, Kylo was distressed by something. Whatever it was wasn’t work related or he’d be off wrecking something by now. Thus, it was likely emotional in nature. As he watched Kylo’s shoulders tremble and his fingers clench tightly into his dark hair, he felt that squeezing sensation in his chest once again. And again Hux found himself at a loss for what to do, but he was filled with an overwhelming need to fix this. To help Kylo. His first instinct was to yell, to order him to snap out of it immediately. But somehow he knew that wouldn’t work on Kylo. If anything it would start a fight and they’d _both_ feel worse.

Perhaps…perhaps what Kylo needed was a distraction. That’s why they did this, right? He was here, after all, not alone in his own quarters. He needed this, needed Hux. And who was Hux to deny him?

Hux stood in front of Kylo and put his hands on his shoulders. He eased him up out of his hunched position. Kylo lowered his hands from his head and gave him a pleading look. Yes, Hux thought, this is what he needs. Hux grinned and straddled his hips, buried his hands in Kylo’s hair and gripped it roughly to tilt his head back. He leaned forward and nipped viciously at Kylo’s neck and jaw.

But instead of responding eagerly, Kylo tried to push Hux away.

“No.”

“What?”

“Just…don’t.”

“But you…”

“I said _don’t_.”

Hux slid off of his lap and backed away a little. Kylo gathered his things and hurried out the door as quickly and wordlessly as he’d arrived, leaving Hux staring after him, completely perplexed. The uneasy feeling in his chest grew and grew.

 

\--

 

It was three weeks before they saw each other again. Kylo was away training and Hux spent most of his time performing his duties and the rest trying to work out where he’d gone wrong. Clearly Kylo was looking for something from Hux, something beyond the aggressive encounters they’d shared so far. More…tenderness, comfort perhaps, and seeking it from _Hux_ of all people. He was breaking the rules. He was crossing the line that Hux didn’t know if he wanted, if he was even _able_ to cross. But as the days went on and Kylo was still gone and loneliness began to weigh on Hux, he began to think maybe he could try.

Their first night together after Kylo returned was much like the early days of their not-relationship: hard, rough, fast. It was as though Kylo was trying to backtrack, to erase his moments of vulnerability. Hux was relieved.

It didn’t last long. Once they’d cleaned up and were settling in for the night, Kylo’s mood grew somber. He curled up on his side facing Hux with a conflicted expression, as if he wanted to ask for something but couldn’t find the words. Hux faced him and waited. He watched Kylo’s face grow sadder, his eyes dim as if a veil was drawn over them, blocking out their light. Once again he felt deeply unsettled, felt that urge to _do something_ , to stop Kylo from looking that way. This time, though, he thought he knew what to do.

Hux scooted closer to Kylo and slowly, hesitantly put his arms around him. His grip was light, his arms and body stiff. This felt unnatural. But this was what people did, right? So he remained that way and hoped it was enough.

Kylo was just as stiff, frozen in surprise. Hux waited, hoping he’d relax because maybe then Hux would relax too and this wouldn’t feel so strange. Then Kylo moved and for a moment Hux thought, hoped against his better judgement, that perhaps Kylo was going to return the embrace.

But instead, Kylo pulled free and got out of bed. Hux watched as he found his scattered items of clothing and dressed. Kylo kept his back to him and it felt like a punch to the gut. Hux wanted to scream at him. _What do you want from me?_ Instead he watched Kylo leave, his arms still outstretched in the warm spot where Kylo had been.


	2. Chapter 2

One week. It had been one week since Starkiller was destroyed, since _everything_ was destroyed, since he’d failed, failed, failed…

Kylo squeezed his eyes shut and quickly shook his head as if he could shake out the memory of that day. No amount of time between then and now, no amount of quietly stewing over it alone in his room in the medbay seemed to ease the frustration. But he wasn’t just counting the days since his colossal failure. He was counting the days since he’d last seen Hux, if a blur of black and copper and two flashes of blue against the wind and snow counted as seeing him. He’d been in the medbay a week and Hux hadn’t come to see him once. He knew he shouldn’t expect anything, knew Hux didn’t really care, if his attempts to feign sympathy were anything to go by.

But _still_. He should have at least stopped by to scold Kylo for his recklessness or mock him for his loss. Kylo knew he was alive, could sense his presence on the Finalizer. He did feel some small relief at that. Knowing Hux was alive meant all wasn’t lost. For all his coldness, Hux was efficient and reliable and if he was still here then maybe something could be salvaged from this mess.

But Kylo’s relief at that was overshadowed by his bitterness towards the other man and anger at himself. He should have known better than to expect anything except sex from their relationship. But he…couldn’t help it. As much as they argued, he _trusted_ Hux. The more time they spent together the easier it was to let his guard down and let Hux see who he was, what he felt.

What a mistake that was. Hux clearly had no interest in him beyond the physical. Every time Kylo needed him for more he became visibly uncomfortable. Kylo avoided looking into his thoughts every time, afraid he’d find nothing but disgust, or worse, indifference.

That last night, when Hux held him, if you could call it that, his body language practically screamed his displeasure. It had been too much. Kylo couldn’t take it. He had to step away, to reevaluate what this _was_ , what he was trying to get from it. So he did. They didn’t see each other for a few days after that.

Then everything went wrong all at once.

And Hux had saved him from the dying planet but couldn’t be bothered to check on him. That hurt more than it should have. Somehow, it hurt more than the wounds.

 _Well if he won’t come to me I’ll just have to go to him_ , Kylo thought petulantly. He wasn’t cleared to leave the medbay yet but Kylo rose from the bed anyway. He stormed out the door knowing full well no one would dare stop him and went in search of Hux.

Kylo expected to sense Hux’s presence on the bridge or in one of the many conference rooms on board. It was late but there would be an unimaginable amount of work to do in the aftermath of their defeat. It came as a surprise, then, when Kylo discovered Hux was in his quarters.

The man he found inside was somehow Hux and not Hux at the same time. He was sitting on the bed, knees drawn up to his chest. His hair was disheveled, uniform wrinkled, and rough stubble occupied his usually clean shaven face, which was pale and gaunt. Dark circles accentuated his bloodshot eyes. His hands shook; he looked on the verge of a panic attack.

Kylo felt his anger slowly slipping away, replaced by surprise and then concern. He knew Hux would take the loss badly, but not like this.

If it was this bad why hadn’t he come to Kylo for help? Surely even Hux must need…

The remaining dredges of anger vanished in an instant as Kylo put together the pieces of their past few encounters along with what he knew about Hux. Slowly he came to a heartbreaking realization.

How could someone who had never received comfort know how to give it? How could they even know what it looked like?

Without another thought, Kylo climbed onto the bed with him. He sat against the headboard just behind Hux and gently coaxed him to curl up in his lap. He moved slowly so that Hux could stop him if he wanted to, but Hux put up no resistance and let his head fall onto Kylo’s chest. Kylo wrapped his arms firmly around him, rubbed soothing circles on his back and buried his face in his bright, messy hair.

Hux let out a long, shuddering sigh and practically melted into him, hiding his face in Kylo’s soft tunic. Kylo could feel the shivers run through him, broken only by the occasional hitched breath.

They stayed that way for a long while. Eventually, Hux stopped trembling and his breathing evened out. He remained pressed against Kylo, but tilted his head up slightly to look at him. Kylo pulled back just enough to return his gaze while using one hand to smooth his mussed hair back.

“Is…” Hux rasped. He cleared his throat. “Is that what you…?”

_Is that what you needed from me?_

Kylo shrugged and continued combing his fingers through Hux’s hair.

“Of the two of us, you’re not the one who can read minds. I should have said something.”

“I’m no good at…things like this. I did _try_ though.”

“I know you did. It’s okay.”

“Nothing is okay. Not now.”

He was right, of course. Everything was decidedly _not_ okay. But Kylo looked at Hux, who was _alive_ and _there with him_ , whose eyes were closed, head tilted into his hand and fingers loosely gripping Kylo’s shirt, and he thought it could be a lot worse, too.

Kylo pulled Hux close again and this time Hux’s arms looped around his waist in return. He felt a tentative hand rub up and down his lower back and smiled, just a little.

“No,” Kylo agreed, “but it will be. We’ll fix it. Together.”

Strange how one word can hold so much meaning.

“Together...”

Hux tested the word on his tongue and the concept in his mind the way someone would try a strange new flavor. He must have liked it, because he nodded against Kylo’s chest and held on a little tighter.

“Yes. Alright. Together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a crackfic about Hux being terrible at giving comfort and it spiraled out of control.
> 
> Come hang out with me on [tumblr!](http://obsessions-and-dreams.tumblr.com/)


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